Just Let Me Die
by Overtaken By Darkness
Summary: Bella catches Alice and Edward in a questionable position. An accident, a change, and maybe a new love? All she wants is death. How hard is it to just die? I know it's been done before, but not quite like this. I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT OR IT'S CHARACTERS.
1. Betrayal

I pulled up to the Cullen mansion to meet Edward for our date. I was about an hour early, but I was hoping Edward would play the piano for me before we left.

I was a little surprised that he wasn't there to open the door for me. He should have heard my truck pull up. Then again, maybe he was getting ready or went for a quick hunt. Alice was on a solo shopping trip that I had somehow avoided. The rest of the family was on a long hunting trip and not due back until late tonight or tomorrow.

I carefully made my way to the porch, knowing that I had no vampires to protect me from my clumsiness at the moment. I entered the house, for they never locked it. I heard giggles coming from Edward's music room. I was glad to hear that Alice was back early. Since Edward was already in the room, I would hear my lullaby sooner. I had the CD and he would hum it to me to lull me to sleep, but there was nothing like hearing it live. I smiled as I entered the room to greet my best friend and the love of my life. Then life as I knew it ended for me.

On top, that's right, on top of the precious piano were a very nude Alice and a boxer clad Edward locked in a rather compromising position. A position that I had only fantasized about being in with Edward. I must have made a noise of some sort, because they both whipped around to see me. They wore looks of regret, shame, and embarrassment.

Before any words could be uttered, I turned and ran to my truck, mercifully not tripping the whole way. I was halfway down the miles long driveway before I saw Alice running next to the passenger side of my truck and Edward running next to the driver's side. Vampire speed or not, they had to get dressed first.

I slammed on the breaks, causing my ancient truck to shudder and groan. Complete rage took over as I jumped out of the truck. I turned to face the traitors. My voice betrayed my emotions as it came out deadly calm.

"Edward, how could you do this to me? What wasn't good enough? I was willing to die for you, to give you everything I could and you betrayed me like this? And your brother, too. Why?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, my Bella-"

"Let us clear something up. As of ten minutes ago, I'm no longer _your_ Bella."

He rightfully dropped his head in shame.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I was so overwhelmed and frustrated by my sexual feelings for you, that I thought I would go insane. Alice became my confidant about it all. I wanted you so badly, but I was afraid to hurt you if I lost control. Over time Alice and I became closer and closer. We eventually fell in love."

"Fell in love with my best friend, huh? Oh Alice, thank you for helping Edward with his problem when he wouldn't let me. What a pal."

Her tiny body shook with silent, dry sobs.

"Edward, there is one last thing that I would like to let you mull over. If you were to think about my feelings, really think about them, would I rather live like this knowing I lost you yet again or die while making love to the man I love, check that, loved. Think about that for a bit."

Edward opened his mouth to say something, as did Alice, but no words came from either one.

I got back into my truck and left. I drove aimlessly and I made sure that I kept changing my destination so that Alice wouldn't see me if she took a break from screwing Edward to check.


	2. I'm So Sorry, Jasper

I ended up driving to the cliffs. I sat in the grass, looking out at the ocean. It was then that I let my pain and rage and tears take over. I curled in a ball and screamed at God and at Fate. I cried until I was sick, then I cried some more. I must have been there for a good four or five hours, just purging the agony in me and watching the angry ocean rage right along with me.

"Bella..."

I bolted upright, ready to run even though I knew it would do no good. I looked around and saw Jasper sitting on the hood of my truck. I said nothing. I was so consumed by my pain that I couldn't even fathom another's. When I looked closer at Jasper, I noticed that he looked as bad as I was feeling. That's quite a feat for a gorgeous vampire. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he found out the news.

I slowly walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his torso. He pulled me into his stone embrace and we held each other as he dry sobbed as I cried more. We stayed like that for quite sometime. I pulled back finally and looked him directly into his sad topaz eyes.

"I am so sorry, Jasper."

I gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek and walked back to the cliffs. I stared down at the grayish green water below me, slamming against the rocky shore, white froth flying about from the waves crashing down. I noticed that Jasper had not moved from his perch on my truck. He seemed to be studying the same sights as I was. I felt a moment of pity for him. It would be so much easier for me to leave this all behind.

"He used me and lied to me. He destroyed my hopes and dreams. I have no future now, not even a present to speak of. He took my heart, my soul, everything. It's all gone now.", I spoke to nobody in particular.

Jasper started to say something in reply, but I didn't hear him. I stood up and dove head first into the wicked ocean below.

I was swallowed by the cold water. I didn't fight my death, I welcomed it. My last thoughts were regret that Jasper would blame himself for my death. This was not his fault in the least. It was all Edward and Alice. They would have my blood on their hands..together.


	3. Dying, right?

I gradually became aware of myself. Was I finally dead? I was so hot, though. God, I was burning up. Maybe I was in Hell. Why else would I be on fire?

"Somebody fucking help me! Oh God, please put the fire out! It hurts so bad. I just want to die!"

I tried to get up, to get away from whatever was making my blood literally boil. I was held down by five sets of cold stone hands. I thrashed about like a maniac until I heard familiar voices around me, they were all telling me to calm down and open my eyes. Easy for them to say, they didn't sound like they were on fire from the inside out.

"Bella, it's Jasper, and I am begging you to relax as much as you can. I am using all of my power on you. If you can relax slightly, maybe I can send you back to sleep through the rest of the pain."

"It seems that this would be the only way to calm and help with the pain. The morphine isn't doing anything. Please just rest as much as you can, darling.", Carlisle implored.

I knew that Esme was in the room. I could sense her flitting about, putting cold rags on my over heated body and murmuring comforting words to me.

Rose got on the bed next to me and whispered in my ear.

"It's going to be alright little sister. It will end soon and you will always be safe with us. I know this isn't how you wanted it, but we are so glad that you are with us."

As out of it as I was, I was still able to form a coherent sentence in my mind.

"What the hell??"

Emmett's huge paw wrapped around my much tinier hand.

"Since I am the biggest and toughest brother, you can squeeze my hand as hard as you want, as long as you need, Bells."

Squeeze I did, through another wave of agonizing pain. My screaming had been brought down to a constant moan by this point. As I faded out, I was vaguely aware of Emmett exclaiming that I was pretty damn strong for a tiny human.

When I woke up again, I was dismayed that I not only woke up, but I was also shaking and crying from the still present pain. It was slightly less severe, but it was all over my body inside and out. I could feel my energy actually leaving my body. My heartbeat was terrifyingly slow and my breathing was becoming erratic. Thank God, I was finally dying.

Now it makes sense, the Cullens brought me back so that I could die surrounded by loved ones. I was truly touched. I opened my eyes once again and saw my beautiful vampire family around me. They must have sensed that my time had come.

"I love you all, everyone of you that is in this room. Please make sure that Renee, Charlie, Phil, and Jake that I love them, too.

I sighed and drifted off into oblivion. The last thing that I heard was a sad chuckle from Emmett, it's always Emmett. All he said was, " She has no idea."


	4. Not Quite Dead Enough

Once again I woke up. Christ, was I ever going to die? I was getting pretty pissed off now. I stopped for a moment. I realized that the pain was gone. I felt...good. I was feeling strong. I was suddenly "aware" of everything. I was strong, yet light, and I was cold, pale. I could hear the heartbeat of animals in the forest. I could see the intricate designs woven into the curtains. All of this could only mean one thing...vampire.

"What the fuck? Why? Why, God, am I here? Someone help me!"

I was so far beyond pissed. I was yelling so loudly that it hurt my own sensitive ears. If there were any humans around, eardrums would have been shattered.

Jasper flung the door open and ran into the room. He took in my wild, frightened, irate expression and cringed. My emotions were a bit haywire and I didn't give a shit at this point.

"Well, Bella, I guess you figured out that you are one of us now."

"Why, Jasper?"

"You jumped off of that damned cliff, _again_, and if I hadn't changed you, then you would have died. I've known you for a long time, Bells, and I know you wanted to be immortal. Why and I getting such waves of hostility and rage from you?"

"I wanted to die. Plain and simple. In a grave, the whole deal. Why else would I jump off of the cliff freaking head first? I can't live without that cheating bastard, and I damn sure don't want to spend eternity alone, thinking about _him _and my former best friend, you remember your wife, right?"

Jasper looked absolutely stunned at my outburst. He shook his head and walked out the door. I should have felt bad about throwing Alice at him. I was to irate and inconsolable to even care.

Rosalie glided into the room moments later. She sat on my bed and pulled me into her arms. I found myself dry sobbing into her arms.

"Oh Bella, who would have thought that we would have so much in common together? I didn't want this life either, but I am here for you. We all are. I know you might not want to hear this, but Jasper really thought he was doing the right thing by you."

"Rose", I sniffed, "I don't want any life without _him_. I can't even think his name. I just want to be dead in the ground. I don't care about Heaven or Hell or if neither exist and I just rot in the ground. I just want to cease being."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I know how you feel. If you give it a chance, it will become bearable. I hope you forgive me for the horrible way I treated you before. You deserved so much better than that; better than _him_."

"Rose, there is nothing to forgive. You wanted to protect your family and my humanity in your own way. Unlike _him_, you have never lied to me or deceived me."

We sat in a sad yet comfortable silence for some time. Emmett eventually sauntered in with his usual goofy grin.

"No offense here, Rosie, but damn Bella, you look fine as hell. Edward would be eating his heart out if he could see you now."

Darkness swirled around me. As soon as I heard _his _name, I locked myself deep into my mind. My own mind was tormenting me with a never ending chant of "Edward Edward Edward Edward..."

I heard someone screaming and another voice yelling for Carlisle. I was frightened. I had no idea what was going on and truthfully, I didn't really care. I closed my eyes, then I realized that I was the one who was screaming. I continued to scream until there was nothing left but silence and darkness.


	5. Only A Shell Is Left

To the dismay of my family, I chose to spend my days gazing out the windows of the house. I refused to hunt. I had never been out to hunt by myself or with the family. Jasper and Emmett would bring a thermos of blood to me whenever they would hunt. I would initially refuse, but even with newborn strength, I was no match for five Cullen's hell bent on feeding me.

I would speak when spoken to, otherwise I remained silent, ghosting through the house every once in a while. Other than my forced feedings, the family usually left me to my own devices. Nobody had heard from Alice or _him_. Everyone was careful not to mention _his_ name for fear of another screaming fit that ended with an unconscious vampire.

I wished that I could say that I felt bad about my behavior, but I felt nothing. I tried not to be rude or mean, I was just there.

Emmett had finally deemed me a lost cause which saved me from further "Fixing Bella" days. Rose is always there for me telling me that she knows how I feel. That's nice to know, but it doesn't fix a damn thing.

Esme and Carlisle were in the same boat as Rose. They are supportive and hopeful that I will snap out of this and are loving to me regardless, but they are unsure how to proceed with me.

Jasper has yet to speak to me or look at me since my original outburst. I avoided him like the plague. I know that he changed me thinking that it was the right thing to do and what I had wanted; prior to my fiance and his wife screwing around on us. Everyday was a struggle with the anger and pain of knowing that I was so close to dying, really dying, not this living dead crap.

I thought about borrowing a page from that lying bastard's book and go to the Volturri, but what if they said no? I also don't want to bring any interest they have with the Cullen coven to light.

I once again lost myself in my thoughts and rants. Esme came in to let me know that I had not left my room in four and a half days. As bad as I felt, I really hated to worry her like I have, so I agreed to come down to the family room to watch a movie. Turns out that they were watching Superbad. Emmett was laughing so hard that if he could pee, he would have wet his pants. I watched for awhile and actually chuckled a few times at the McLovin kid. I was surprised to find myself actually enjoying the movie until I turned my head and saw _his_ piano. Not the piano that served as the platform to ruin my life, but it was his the same.

Before anyone could grab me, I flitted over to the beautiful, expensive, rare, and treasured instrument. I ran my hand over the smooth finish of the ebony top. Then I made a fist and smashed a hole right through it. I shredded the poor instrument to little pieces, throwing them all outside. I destroyed the piano, the bench, and even the sheet music. Once everything was outside, I stood in front of the pile with a wary Cullen family behind me. I lit the whole damn wood pile on fire.

I instinctively shied away from the flames as they consumed the wooden pieces. Then I got an idea. I stepped a bit closer to the pyre, fighting with my instincts to flee from it. I took one more step closer. Fire can kill us, why not just jump into it now. I knew my family would be sad, but they would know that I was finally at peace.

A millisecond before I jumped into the fire, I found myself flying backwards away from the fire and into a tree. Jasper held me in place and growled at me. I growled right the hell back.

"Don't do this over him, Bella. Get over it already."

"I fucking hate you Jasper", I hissed venomously.

Now I was on official suicidal vampire lock down. One of the Cullens was with me or near me at all times. It really didn't change anything. I was still quiet and dead on the inside. I still refused to hunt and tried my best to starve to death, if it was possible. I was quite an event to get me to drink my "catered" meals.

If Rose was on "duty" we would watch television or she would play with my hair. It was nice that there was no pressure to act like I was anything but shattered around her.

Emmett would try to make me laugh for a bit, then he would give up and play video games. Very rarely, I would play against him. He would be like a little kid on Christmas.

Carlisle understood my silence and would read or work on his computer. He gave up trying to talk about my powers, if I have any and practicing them. I didn't care to find out if I had a power and nothing has shown as of yet. I always politely declined.

Esme would bring me into what ever room she was re decorating or remodeling. She would ask my opinions on colors and furniture placement and things like that. She was comforting in her presence, but I knew she was hurting with her family fractured.

Jasper never really had "Bella Duty". Between his guilt and frustration and my anger and uncontrollable rage, together we were a powder keg ready to explode.

I didn't hate the Cullen's. In fact, I loved them fiercely. I just couldn't get through the blanket of pain that was covering me. I wasn't sure that I did not hate Jasper though.


	6. Explosion

I was in my room looking at the ceiling, big shocker. I was shocked, however, to see Jasper standing at my doorway. He was holding the trusty old thermos to feed me. When I smelled the blood, I fought the instinct to grab the thermos and drain it. I simply rolled my eyes, swallowed the venom, and muttered, "I'm not hungry."

"Tough shit, Bella. Just drink it so I can go."

I continued to ignore him, hoping he would give up. He leaned against the door frame, waiting. We could go like this all friggin day for all I cared.

Before I could blink he had pounced on me and pinned me to the bed by my throat.

"Fucking drink it, Bella."' he snarled.

I snarled right back at him and tossed him off of me and right through the window. Esme is just going to love that.

I went back to my bed and to counting the swirls in the paint on the walls. I got to 412 when Jasper graced me with his presence yet again.

"So, Princess Bella, do you think that you are the only one in this family that has suffered a loss? Do you think that your hurt is worse than ours even though it is different? I lost my fucking wife to my brother. That happens to sting a bit. Carlisle and Esme lost two kids, plus whatever the hell you are now. I mean you are lifeless...do you count? Rose and Emmett lost siblings and best friends. Yet, even though we all hurt and are grieving, you are the one everyone is pandering to. You have been like this for almost two years, Bella. Two damn years. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. Maybe Edward, that's right E-D-W-A-R-D, is lucky. He never knew you could be this pathetic and self centered. Hate him for cheating. Hate Alice for cheating, I know I do. Hate me for changing you. But give the rest of the family a break. I am so fucking sick of this poor Bella act. Go hunt, read a book, do something for God's sake."

I was absolutely seething with rage, as was Jasper.

"Are you done?", I hissed.

He just continued to stare at me with a mixture of hatred and remorse.

"At least _he _wanted to keep me safe in his own twisted way. Your wife just walked out on you for a better man. Now if you are done preaching to me, kindly get the fuck out of my room. I absolutely loathe you, Jasper and I don't want you in my room again."

He waited just a second too long. I launched myself at him and slammed him into the wall in the hallway. We cracked the plaster from floor to ceiling. Somehow he got the upper hand and had me pinned.

"I'm done feeling guilty, Bella. I refuse to take responsibility for your misery any longer. Hate me for changing you and for whatever else you want, but I am over it."

I snarled, baring my teeth at him. He didn't move, so I bit down on his shoulder, causing him to yell out in pain. That was the best feeling that I had in years. I caused someone else to hurt. He still held steady looking positively lethal.

"Do it Jasper. I know you want to. Kill me, do it now. Then I am nobody's burden. Atone for your sins against me. End it now."

The murderous look on his face didn't match the look of remorse in his eyes. He looked how I had been feeling and acting. Then he was gone.

Emmett and Rose had pulled us apart. We were both breathing air we didn't need heavily and glaring at each other. Emmett didn't know who to protect from whom. As I walked out of the room, I left my parting shot.

"I knew you couldn't kill me you pussy. I saw it in your eyes. "

Then for the first time since I had been subjected to being a vampire, I ran. I took of into the woods behind the house and ran, heading for absolutely nowhere.


	7. Messier Than I Thought

Shortly after I began to run, I realized that I had no idea where in the hell we lived. I decided to play it safe and just run through the woods to avoid humans as much as possible. I was quite the sheltered vampire. I had not been exposed to a human since the change and I really didn't want to slip. I kept running for hours and hours. Finally I came to a sign that said "Welcome to Aleknagik, Alaska population 219. Well, at least I lucked upon a place that have very few people to murder accidentally. At least nobody would recognize me if someone saw me. I finally felt that I ran far enough from everyone and everything. I sat down on a fallen tree and let the memories of the last two years wash over me.

I couldn't believe that I had allowed myself to behave like a bitter old shrew. I know that Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett knew I was mentally and emotionally fucked. _He_ had left me time and time again for my "safety", breaking my heart into a million pieces each time. Then I when I saw Alice on the piano, my heart exploded. You can only put something back together if there are some pieces left. I'm not sure that my heart is just random slivers anymore.

I began to dry sob thinking about how much I have hurt my family when they have bent over backwards to accommodate me and my selfish moods. I made a promise to myself to try to live for them, just like I did with Charlie before. I would go through the emotions at least. The only person who would know I was faking it would be Jasper, but what would he care anyway. We are always a half step from murdering each other as it is.

I felt myself get angry again, thinking about Jasper, when I smelled a warm sweet smell the demanded my attention. Venom pooled in my mouth as I prayed that this was not a human while running towards it.

It happened to be the biggest damn grizzly I have ever seen close up. I had to have it. I lunged at it, to make it rise on it's hind legs. Then I jumped up to it's back and broke it's strong neck. I sank my teeth into it's neck. I went through the disgusting fur and the thick skin. It was truly disgusting until I got to the warm sweet nectar I searched for. It filled my mouth and ran down the sides of my mouth. I drank until I could drink no more. Then I took the corpse and buried it under a boulder nearby and sat down again. I was actually feeling somewhat better. I decided that I would not let the anger from my past rule my future and further ruin my family.

I got up and went home, following my own trail that I left coming here. When I got home, I arrived to a family of anxious vampires awaiting my return.

I smiled sheepishly as Rose spoke first.

"What the hell? Bella, you look like you went hunting!?"

"I was, and it is really much messier than I thought. I think I am going to need some tutorial sessions on hunting neatly."

Emmett's head whipped around to face me.

"Is that grizzly blood I smell?"

"Of course big brother. It was quite irritable too!

He grabbed me into a huge hug and spun me around.

"I want all the grisly grizzly details, Bells."

"Em, you sound like a silly teenage girl going on about her date, but I will answer your questions. Next time I will show you where I found them."

"First though, I really need to apologize to you all. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Emmett, I am so sorry for the way I have been acting. Thank you all so much for putting up with me. I am really going to try to be a better family member. I am so sorry for being so selfish. I want to move on, if you all can forgive me?"

Of course I was swallowed up in a big family hug. I did happen to see Jasper slamming out the back door to storm outside. I still wasn't forgiving him though.

Then I began to regale Emmett with the tale of my less than graceful slaughter of a pissed off bear.


	8. Surprise Visitors

Things had been going better with the family after my vow to be a better daughter and sibling. I would go hunting more often, not needing to be forced any longer.

Rose and I would gang up on Emmett, which was always good to rile Esme up. If Jasper wouldn't play video games with Emmett, then I would play with him.

I began reading once again, back to the classics. Although I couldn't believe in the true love that the books were trying to sell. But a classic is a classic. I wasn't all better though. I still refused to listen to music at all or even to think of _him_.

Carlisle and Esme seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that I was among the living dead once more. Carlisle and I discovered that I was telekinetic and he was absolutely delighted. I would indulge him in his experiments regularly. I had to be careful though, if I lost my temper or control of my emotions at all.

Once Emmett cheated at _Grand Theft Auto 4_ and it really pissed me off. Suddenly, the console, controllers, and some lamps were flying right at Emmett. He quit cheating at least with me from there on in.

Jasper and I had made no progress. We each acted as if the other didn't exist. I was quite fine with this arrangement and I am sure that he was too.

I started to take daily solo runs, once Esme was sure that I would return from them. The family always offered to accompany me, but I declined. I needed to be alone and clear my mind. I had gone on my regular run and had already hunted. I felt full and relaxed. I really felt well and thought about asking Carlisle to play chess with me when I returned home. The wind shifted and I caught the scent of two vampires. Two very familiar ones.

Fuck.

"Bella, please let us talk to you, please!", a small voice all but begged.

I froze. I didn't want to stay, but I couldn't move away. Then Alice danced into my line of vision in all of her pixie like gloriousness.

"Oh Bella, I have really really missed you. I hope that we can put the past behind us. I really miss being a family. Oh my God, you are totally gorgeous. It's even better than in my visions-"

I raised my hand to stop the torrent of words that were assaulting me.

"Alice, dear, I have not forgiven you or forgotten the betrayal. Why are you hear?"

She began to sob quietly, "I wanted to see the family."

"Then please go, I am sure that they would be more happy to see you than I am. Please go. I guess you can find your way to the house."

As she left, I personally congratulated myself for keeping the telekinesis in check. I turned around and started in the opposite direction. I didn't care to be around the happy reunion. I know my presence would make it more awkward for everyone else. I wouldn't blame them for being happy, I just didn't need to see it first hand.

As I wandered in the woods, I came across a tiny clearing that was covered in wild flowers. Not quite like the meadow, but this was mine. Then I saw the son of a bitch sitting in the middle of my damned flowers. He invaded my own private spot.

Before a word was said, or a thought passed through my mind, things were airborne. Trees, rocks, branches, and boulders went in his direction. I had to work for an entire ten minutes to calm myself enough to control the power. Things were still levitating, but at least they only hovered. That was the best that we were going to hope for at this point.

"Bella, you look...stunning. How have you been adjusting to your new life?"

I couldn't believe the balls on him. Asking me how I'm adjusting to the new life? Where does he fucking get off?

"How do you think I am doing, Edward? Use that brain of yours and I am sure that you can make an educated guess you prick."

Saying the name with him in front of me, just about tore me into pieces. I turned to walk away, maybe forever this time.

"I came to tell you that Alice and I got married, Bella. I will always have love for you, and I am so sorry that I hurt you, but it was always Alice. We just didn't know."

That did it. I involuntarily screamed and sank to the ground. Edward tried to come to me to help me and I snapped at him. He quickly backed away. Alice must have had a vision, because someone was coming quickly, yelling my name. Shit, it was Jasper. Maybe the three of them could just gang up on me and kill me.

Before I knew what was going on, I was cradled in Jasper's strong arms as he hissed and growled at Edward and Alice. I hid my face in the crook of Jasper's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. My screaming was now a constant whimpering and moaning.

Jasper began to speak in a deadly calm voice. I was almost afraid of him at the moment.

"What do you two cheating bastards want? Bella just started to act somewhat normal and Alice, you should have seen that. Two fucking years, and you two just show up. No forewarning or anything. Are you both just trying to obliterate her into nothing at all? We have been trying to keep her from ending it this whole time. So far so good, but one day someone will slip. No matter who was on watch at that time, it won't be our fault. Her death will be the fault of the perfect Edward and adorable little Alice. So, please visit with the family. We won't interfere, but we want nothing to do with either of you. But, if either of you two even look at Bella, then you will have to deal with me."

As he gave his speech, I was fading fast. Everything was black by the time he reached the end of it.

When I came to, I was back in my room shaking and sobbing yet again. When I looked up to the end of my bed, I was shocked to see Jasper sitting there, staring off into space. He turned to face me.

"Sorry, but I am stuck her, we for a bit. Whore 1 and Whore 2 are downstairs visiting and I couldn't take it. Plus, I wanted to make sure that you woke up alright. Other than you we don't have many fainting vampires."

I sighed deeply and looked at the beautiful blonde vampire in front of me. "Thank you for coming to my rescue back there. Quite a speech, too."

"Bella, we were both betrayed by them and I know how much it hurts you and me both to see them. If we hang together, then they will leave us be. They will be gone soon. I will not let them near you again, Bella."

At some point during our brief exchange, I ended up leaning against Jasper with his arm around me. I was beyond shocked. I felt-right. Like I was supposed to be there. He must have felt it too, and we backed slowly away from each other.

"I have a question for you Bella. If you could keep the flying objects to a minimum, that would be super. I need to know why you hate me so much, Bella. Don't spare my feelings. Tell me exactly why you hate me so fiercely."


	9. Simple Explanation

I stared at Jasper incredulously.

"Why do I hate you? Hell, where do I begin? Well the obvious reason is that you changed me, regardless of your intentions or reasons, even though Edward and I were through.

"You have always made the simple act of looking after me seem like it was an inhumane punishment. Quite a blow to my ego, you know?

"Also, how could you not have sensed this coming? You are a fucking empath. Are you that out of it that you couldn't feel a change of emotion in your own wife as monumental as her falling in love with another man? Or maybe you did know and didn't care. But you could have given the stupid human a clue. So, I was left to deal with things in my own way. I jumped to end the pain and YOU STOPPED IT!

"You do everything you can to keep me here, but do nothing to make me want to stay. That is why I hate you Jasper. My simple explanation."

By the end of my little rant, the books in my room were hovering, but at least they weren't being used as projectiles.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. Then I looked at Jasper and it looked like I had kicked him right in the nuts. Why would he care anyways? I guess hearing the truth sucks ass.


	10. Rebuttal

After I answered Jasper's question, I thought that he would leave. Once again I was proven wrong. He sat motionless like a beautiful statue cut from the finest marble.

I was trapped. I could sit in here with a silent, and most likely angry, Jasper. Or I could go down and hang out with the newlyweds. Yep, I definitely decided that I would rather go into the fire, given my options.

I levitated a book to me. Screw them all, I would read a book and loose myself for a little bit in to another world.

Quick as lightening, Jasper threw my book across the room. He was just inches from my face.

"Do you really and truly believe that long winded bullshit story that you just gave me? Is that what you really think?"

"I told you what you wanted to hear, why would I lie? I'm sorry if you don't like what I had to say, but you did say not to spare your feelings, so I didn't."

"Bella, let me correct some of your statements.

"First, I wanted to save you after you jumped because none of us, especially me, could see eternity without you. We never thought that you would be so horrible about it. Edward had nothing to do with my decision. I thought that you wanted to be with our family no matter what. I see that I might have been mistaken.

"Second, your pain and anguish caused me more physical pain than I had ever experienced. I would have explained this to you earlier, but you were so far gone, that it wouldn't have made a difference. I figured that I would save us both the pain and aggravation and avoid being with you as much as possible.

"I did have some suspicions that Alice was falling out of love with me. I had no idea that she was moving on, to my brother no less. I am appalled that you would think that I would hide something like that from you. I would have never left you to deal with that on your own. I have risked my life so many times for you, Bella. Why do you think I would sit by knowing that Edward and Alice were going to hurt you?

"I had the rug pulled out from me, just like you did, Bella. You can continue to hate me, but do it for the right reasons, love."

My thoughts were a total jumble. I couldn't believe that I had seen everything with suck a one track mind. God, I was such an ass.

"Jasper, I am so sorry. I mistook your hurt for attitude. It was easier to hate you then it was to hate the others. Can you ever forgive me?"

I looked up to his face and saw his emotions change by the millisecond. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his perfection. He leaned a bit closer to me, blowing his sweet breath on me.

"Bella, you are already forgiven, but I hope you can forgive me for this."

He leaned in and shocked the shit out of me by giving me the most gentle, yet passionate kiss I had ever experienced. For some reason this kiss, although unexpected, felt _right_.


	11. What The Hell Was That?

I couldn't believe that Jasper kissed me. I really couldn't believe that I let him kiss me. After the kiss ended, we pulled apart and just stared at each other.

"What the Hell was that?", was all I could manage to say.

"Bella, hear me out, please. I know that you are broken, shattered even, by the one person that you trusted most in the world. I was too, you know. I keep thinking of the cliche saying 'Every time a door closes, a window opens.' Let me be that open window for you Bells. Even after two years of you in a zombie state, angry, sad, or even throwing things at me with your mind, I can't help but want to be the one who puts you together. I want to show you how special you are and make you forget about Edward. I want to make you realize how loved you are every single day of forever. Please Bella, I am begging you, let me help you. Let me love you."

He grabbed both of my hands, looked deep into my amber eyes, pleading with me. He gently kissed my forehead and left me to think.

So many thoughts swirled through my head and my emotions were haywire. Everything in the room was just hovering an twirling about aimlessly. Could I trust someone again, especially a Cullen man? Do I want to risk everything to be in love again? These thoughts circled viscously through my mind until I thought I would go insane. I got up to find Rose. She would give me honest advice on this problem. I was at the door when I heard a tense, hushed conversation down the hall. One that I was not supposed to hear.

"What do you mean, what the Hell was that, Edward? You took my wife and left for two years. Then you come back and have the unmitigated gall to ask what I was talking to Bella about? In case you forgot, it is a goddamn miracle that she is even speaking at all. You have no right whatsoever to question anything that is said or done in this house any longer."

Low growls echoed through the hallways of the house.

"Jasper, in case _you_ forgot, you changed her and now she is absolutely miserable. Remember, I can read your mind, little brother. Just stay away from Bella. I have missed her over the last few years and I want to amend my ways. She will be mine again. I care for Alice, but I want Bella. She is even more ravishing as a vampire. If I would have known how lovely she would have become, I might have just changed her and avoided Alice all together. If I snap my fingers, you know Bella will come running back and think 'Jasper, who?'"

I decided to go interrupt this little testosterone fest before someone got hurt or broke another one of Esme's antiques.

"Hey guys, how about little old Bella has a say in this. I am not some trophy, Edward. You left and betrayed me in the worst way. You are betraying Alice becasue I am beautiful now? Well, _love_, you can snap your fingers all you want. I WILL NOT BE RETURNING TO YOU AGAIN. I do have some pride left. I am not a doll or a plaything or some kind of sex toy. You no longer dazzle me or have a hold over me at all. In fact, you make me pretty sick. Maybe sometime in the next century we could be civil and be friends, maybe. But not any time soon, so please get the fuck out of here. Take your wife with you, too."

I had to cool it down a notch or too. The sconces were rattling and the pictures were hovering. If I got just a little more pissed, it would rain antique paintings and ancient wall hangings.

"I guess it is just as well, Bella. You are beautiful, but Alice is so adventurous, I think it would take me a century to get to screw you even in the missionary position...boring.", Edward smirked and faked a yawn as he walked away.

Well that fucking did it. I looked at Jasper who was shaking with rage and mouthed to him, 'get down'. Then I let loose my powers that were overflowing my body. Everything in the hallway hit Edward full force. He was then thrown through the wall. I did it with my mind and was a little shocked. I had never thrown a person before.

Jasper was up and over to me before I could process what happened. I was drained. I didn't think that vampires could sleep, but I felt my eyes closing of their own accord. The last thing I heard was Jasper whispering to me, "I'll keep you safe Bella, just rest and get your energy back, Angel."

I think he called for Carlisle after that. My last thought was wondering how many ways Esme was going to kill me for the destruction I caused not only to her house, but to her family.


	12. Playing With Fire, Again

I could hear them before I could see them. Oh Christ, I passed out again. Apparently Rose was playing referee, keeping Edward, Alice, and Jasper away from me, using Emmett as a bouncer of sorts. Only Carlisle, Esme, and Rose were in the room with me. Emmett stood guard at the doorway. This was ridiculous, if you asked me.

I opened my eyes to see Esme's sad face. I slowly sat up, grateful that I felt completely fine. I looked at Carlisle, waiting for an explanation.

"Bella, my dear, I think I know what is going on with your powers and um, lack of consciousness. We know that you are telekentic and that when your emotions get out of control, you have trouble reigning in your gift. The more emotional you get, the more energy you use. You also remember that you fainted quite a bit for a human. I think that you brought that over with your change. The severe depletion of your energy use at times sends you into a state of unconsciousness to recoup. Your mind is once again protecting yourself. The only difference is that object float and fly through the air while you are riled up."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I guess that does make sense."

I turned to Esme. "I am so sorry that I ruined your hallway. I can only imagine the amount of money spent on the wall hangings and the paintings. How can I make it up to you? I will do anything. I just lost control and had to get Edward away from me."

Esme smiled a devilish grin.

"Bella, darling, after your first fight with Jasper, I replaced all of the antiques and valuables with replicas. You know, just to be safe."

She was smiling and giggling like a little kid who got caught in the cookie jar, but knew there would be no punishment.

I sighed in extreme relief that I had not done major damage to anything. I got up from the bed and decided that I would go to hunt. I had a bit of a battle until they let me go by myself.

I gave Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rose all a hug as I left. I walked past Jasper and gave him a half smile. I walked past Edward and Alice as if they were not there.

I went into the woods, took a deep breath, and began to run. I ended up at good old Aleknagik, Alaska again. I could no longer tolerate tearing the family apart any longer. I no longer loved Edward, in fact, I despised him. Especially after what I had heard earlier. Alice had yet to say a word to me. Not a 'hello', a 'how are you', or even an 'I'm sorry for taking your man.' Fuck them both.

I hunted a bit, thinning the local deer population by several. I knew that I couldn't go home again. I couldn't deal with the Edward/Alice dynamic any longer and pretend that it didn't hurt me.

Honestly I was more terrified of Jasper. Could he really love me? I couldn't let Jasper in and then get hurt again. I wouldn't survive that in any way shape or form. If I were honest with myself, I think that I have had feelings for him all along, just buried deep. It was easier to ignore them and hate him than it was to ponder loving him. Hate was easier to show than love and it was harder to get hurt that way.

I thought of going to Forks, but that would not only be dangerous, but obvious as well. I did love the Cullen's and I would conduct myself in a way that would make them proud for as long as I was around here. I think I will find a nice secluded place and just end it. I will feel bad that they will wonder what happened to me, but they won't have to see me dead, really dead. They would always hold on to hope that I went off and found happiness.

It was rather funny, when I was human, I wanted to live we did everything to protect my life so that I could be a vampire. Now that I am the vampire, I have tried to end it all several times already. I was a bit frightened by the thought of the pain that death would bring. But I was more frightened at the pain I knew that existing had.

I had spent the better part of two days in the forest. I decided that since no Cullen had tracked me down, this would be a safe place to die...again. I didn't want them to walk upon my ashes. They didn't deserve that.

I leisurely walked through the woods, gathering up dry wood and sending it all into a nice big pile. I arranged them so that the fire would burn for a long time. The last damn thing I needed was to be halfway charred in the middle of freaking Alaska and not be able to finish the job or call for help. I may not be clumsy anymore, but I sure as hell brought my bad luck to the other side.

I sat on a boulder and prayed. I still believed that I had a soul. I asked God to watch over my vampire family and my human family and even my werewolf family. I was prepared to go to Hell, if He deemed necessary. I just wanted the pain I felt on this earth to stop.

I finished my conversation with God and stood in front of my funeral pyre. I grabbed two dry twigs and rubbed them with vigorous vampire speed, resulting in a fire. I threw it all on the wood pile waiting for a nice blaze. I was shying away instinctively, but I knew I could do this.

I made my peace with the world and stepped to the inferno. I was one step away from entering the fire, when I felt someone pull my ponytail. The tug was so hard that is sent me through two trees before I landed.

Dammit, this was going to be harder than I thought.


	13. Breakdown

I was momentarily dazed as I lay on the carpet of the forest. I could see that the fire was still burning strong. I bolted right to it.

Again I was attacked from the side. I couldn't see who was thwarting my desperate plans and it was seriously pissing me off. Due to all the smoke in the air, I couldn't even catch a scent of who was here with me.

I crouched down, ready for a fight, anything to end this. I let snarls and growls rip through my chest. All senses were on high alert.

"Bella, you do know you are killing me here, right?"

Shit, it was Jasper. How did he friggin find me here? Hell, Alice must have had a vision. I couldn't catch a break with her. Steal my man and then stop my suicide. I growled again.

"Jasper, you don't understand. Just go back home. Don't tell Esme about this. Just tell her you couldn't find me and go. Please, just get out of here."

"Nope, no way in hell Bella. If you hop on into that fire pit, then I am going too. I know Edward fed you all kinds of bullshit about forever and eternity and all that. I mean it. It's you and me, friend to ashes or not."

I felt the rage build in my body. I didn't want to hurt him, but I would not let him kill himself.

"You will do no such thing, Jasper.", I whispered lethally.

"Alright, Bella. Compromise then. Don't jump just yet. Listen to what I have to say. At least give me that courtesy."

I nodded warily. The fire was still burning strong, but I didn't know how long it would last.

"Why do you keep doing these things, Bella? You are the most setermined suicidal vampire I have ever seen or heard of."

"Well, Jasper, I am damned to spend eternity watching my ex-fiance and my ex-best friend bask in newly wedded bliss. I never got to say good-bye to any of my family or friends. I can't get close to you, either. I won't survive another heartbreak, you and I both know this. And I am sick of being told to eat, to hunt, to forgive. I know that I was in the whole zombie state, but I am not now. Yet, people are still telling me what to do. It's like Edward all over again. I am miserable. I just plain do not want to exist. Jasper, Bella wants to die. Please just let me go."

I fell to my knees sobbing. I was spent, totally. I wanted all of this hurt to go away. I felt that I was fading out, but I held on. If I fainted again, I would end up at the house and I would never be left alone.

"The family is fractured, nobody is happy, and it is all my fault. _**ALL MY FAULT!!**_ This is the only way to make it right, Jasper. I need to remove myself from the equation.", I choked out.

I stood up again. One way or another, this was going to end. I heard an ear splitting gutteral roar. I actually covered my ears instinctively in a feeble attempt to dull the roar. Two stone vice grips were on my arms squeezing hard enough to make me yell out in pain. I thought that my bones were going to be ground to dust, if the pressure lasted much longer. He was holding me up off of the ground so that I was eye level with him, leaving me a good seven inches from the ground. I swung my legs and pushed as hard as I could into his chest. The force sent us both flying in opposite directions.

"Christ, Bella, just fucking listen to me. You know deep down that Alice, although generous, is an eternally selfish being. The same came be said about Edward. They can be together in their own little selfish, mind reading, future seeing world. You are too good for either of them. You know that I am not like that at all. You know the whole rest of the family adores you. Why do you keep doing this? What are you running from that lets you hurt your family time and time again?"

I noticed debris from the ground floor begin to hover. Shit, here I go again. I took several deep breaths to calm myself.

"Jasper, I am no good for any of you. I never have been. I can't be happy, I just don't want to live. You're the empath, you should know that this is what I want and how I truly feel."

"Wow, Edward must have rubbed off on you more than we thought. All I am hearing is 'this is what _**I**_want', just like him. What about what we want Bella? What about what I want?

"Our family wants you and needs you. Even as a human, you were our strongest link and that is still true. You think dying will fix this, but it will further tear us apart, Bella. Why the hell can't you see that?"

I continued to sit still, trying to remain calm. It was surprisingly easy. I guess that Jasper had a hand in that.

"Bella, you need to know that I am nothing like Edward. I don't want to control you, I don't want you to have to ask my permission for everything. I want you, just you. I want to exist along with you, not lord over you. Please, give me a chance to show you that it is worth it to stick around. I am truly begging you Bella."

I looked to see a beautiful blonde vampire on his knees with my hands clasped in his. I wanted to be loved so badly, and to love someone in return. Could it be this easy? Was I ready? What if it ends? I felt myself getting frusterated again with my indecision.

Jasper calmed me instantly by kissing me on the forehead.

"You are way over thinking this, Bella. I know you want this. Quit being so damn stubborn. Put all of this focus of killing yourself into living. You are still such a smart, caring, and beautiful woman. If you could get past this hurt and pain that you have suffered, the world would be all yours. And if none of my words are sinking through that granite skull of yours, then let me tell you one more thing.

"I love you Bella. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my entire existence. I have loved you for longer than even I realized. I tried to fight it with everything that I have. I swear to you, Isabella, if you jump into this blaze, I am coming with you."

I was enraged at the smug smile on Jasper's face. I grabbed his perfect face between my hands and fought the urge to crush his skull. Who was he to poke holes in my reasoning? How dare he spout words of love and nonsense. How dare he make me believe it and want it.

I pulled his face to mine and pressed my lips violently to his. In that moment, there was nothing in the world but Jasper and Bella. He pushed me up against a tree and kissed me even harder. We kissed at such a frantic pace, it was like we were the only thing holding us on Earth. If we stopped, we would float away from each other. We broke apart and he began to kiss and lick a trail from my ear to my shoulder, making me groan and shudder simultaneously.

We were so into each other, that when we heard the intruder coming up on us quickly, we were taken by surprise.

I looked at Jasper's tense face.

"Who in the holy hell would know that we are all the way up here?"


	14. Rise Above This

**A/N: The lyrics to ****Rise Above This**** belong to Seether and not me. Same with the characters of this little dramatic story.**

Jasper assumed and defensive position in front of me and to the left. I crouched into a similar position, holding myself completely still and silent waiting for out intruder. The scent hit us before the visitor arrived.

"Goddamn it, Emmett! What they hell are you doing all the way up here? You scared the shit out of us!", Jasper yelled still before we could see Emmett.

A loud booming laugh echoed through the woods.

"Sweet Jesus, guys, I had to escape that nut house we live in. I was going to turn Edw-, I mean _him_, into a vampire pretzel."

"It's alright Em, you can say his name now. But why do you want to tear him up?"

"God Bells, he is royally pissing everyone off. He is pushing his lovely bride to the side because he is sure that now that you are a vamp, he is your other half of a soul mate or whatever the hell blah, blah, blah. Edward was no fun to begin with, but he sucked the fun right out of Alice. She does not do well with being second place. Rose keeps threatening to kill Edward if he so much as thinks about you. Like she would know. Rosie threatened to take out Alice too. I left before I got hurt in the process. Esme and Carlisle are trying not to kill Rose or Edward and Alice and trying to keep them all from killing each other. So, yea, the Cullen house sucks right now. That being said, what did I interrupt up in here?"

Jasper stayed silent, as did I. We didn't even know for sure what was broken up.

Emmett's face lit up like a small child on Christmas morning.

"Holy Shit, are you two together? It's about damned time. You guys were all like third graders . 'I don't like him he has cooties. I don't like her because he is a boy...ewwww' I mean really. I wondered when you two were going to see the damn light. About damn time. Lucky for me that you both were dressed, huh?"

I shook my head at Emmett's one track mind. I walked away a few yards and sat on a rock. Edward wanted me to be his again. I had no interest in riding that crazy train again. I was sure of that. But if Alice was free, so to speak, what would stop her from returning to Jasper? And who could blame him after all of their history together? What if he was just afraid to be alone and all his talk was just lip service.

Here I go again. My immortal existence was balanced on a knife tip. I was fighting to stay on for Jasper. But I was also trying to fall off for Edward and my fear of the unknown pain that most assuredly awaited me in the future. I sauntered further into the woods, leaving Emmett and Jasper to talk, or at least give me privacy.

I walked calmly, deeper into the woods and inhaled deeply. Then I screamed with everything I had. I screamed and sobbed and beat at the ground. This was an all too common occurrence any more. I hated to be this weak, this indecisive. I hated it all. All but Jasper. Jasper who by all rights, might go back to Alice.

The boys gave me some time to scream like a fool. Then when I was sitting on a tree stump, Emmett gathered me up into his huge arms and started to go home.

"Em, hand her over. She might not be mine, but I am hers. I want to take her home.", Jasper said as he took me into his strong arms.

"Bella, I have a song that I would like you to listen to on the way home. I know you can run, probably faster than me, but let me carry you. Just relax and listen to the music."

"Are you ever without your I pod?"

"Only when I am hunting.", he smiled.

I put the ear buds in and relaxed against Jasper's chest. "

We are going to go home and talk, Emmett and the rest of the family are going to run interference against our crazy former loves."

I snuggled further into his chest and closed my eyes. I couldn't remember the last time that I felt so loved and taken care of. I looked up and caught a wink from good old Emmett and couldn't help but smile in return. The music started and I concentrated on the lyrics.

_Take the light, undarken everything around me  
Call the clowns and listen closely, I'm lost without you  
Call your name every day when i feel so helpless  
I'm fallin' down but I'll rise above this, rise above this_

Hate the mind, regrets are better left unspoken  
For all we know, this void will grow and  
Everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open  
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this  
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt

I'll mend myself before it gets me  
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)  
I'll mend myself before it gets me  
(I'll mend myself before it gets me)

Call your name every day, when i feel so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this  
Call your name every day, when i seem so helpless  
I'm fallin' down, but I'll rise above this, rise above this  
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless  
Fallin' down, fallin down', but I'll rise above this, rise above this 

When the song ended, I insisted that Jasper put me down. I took his face in my hands.

"Do you really mean something with these lyrics, Jasper, or is it just a nice song?"

"Bella, I think that they describe how I feel about you, hopefully how you feel about me, and how you can rise above all of this shit that is bringing you down and keeping you from being happy."

I sighed in defeat. The walls I had erected over the last two years crumbled to dust right then and there.

"Damn it all to hell, Jasper Whitlock Hale. I love you. I love how you don't smother me. I love you for being you. I love you for loving me and trying so hard to get me to see that I love you too. I don't think that I deserve you, but I have you and I will do what I must to keep you."

Then he leaned down and gave me the most gentle loving kiss I ever had. It conveyed all of his love to me and in that kiss I knew this was right. This was why I was born, this was why I met the Cullens, this is why I was changed. It was all for him. He was _my_ Jasper and I was _his _Bella. Nothing else would matter as long as I had him by my side.

"Awwwww, how sweet. Now if we could knock the mushy factor down a few notches, I would like to get home to Rosie. You are grossing me out and I miss Rose, so can we go?"

I laughed and grabbed each of their hands and ran towards home.


	15. A Little Lemony

The three of us made it back to the house in a peaceful mood. I was a little bit giddy, like a school girl with a new crush. I think that Jasper was projecting his feelings outward, because we were all relaxed and a little bit silly, too.

When we arrived home, the guys blocked their thoughts from Edward. I didn't since he still couldn't read my mind. He probably wouldn't know we were home, at least for a bit anyway. Alice wouldn't care, because she wouldn't want Edward near me. That made at least two of us.

Jasper and I climbed up the side of the house and entered through my bedroom window. Emmett took the practical entrance by using the front door. He was planning on taking Edward and Alice for a hunt so that Jasper and I could talk and it would give Rose, Esme, and Carlisle a break from the attitude.

With everyone gone Jasper and I sat on my bed and we had become a bit anxious. We were facing each other and I really and truly looked at him. This creature was perfect. Just utter perfection. His eyes were a deep amber color. Beautiful, but he would be in need of a hunt soon, as would I. His face was too beautiful for words. I couldn't believe that I had never noticed the depths of his perfection before. Edward was gorgeous, but to leave Jasper for him made no sense in the asthetic reasoning at least.

I realized that I had been busted by Jasper as I carelessly ogled him. I smiled sheepishly and looked down at the floor. Thankfully I couldn't blush any longer.

"So Bella, there is something that I would like to clear up with you right here and right now."

I had been gaining control over the telekinesis, especially in the woods recently. Although that could have been Jasper calming me down. My stomach dropped and my hair brush was suspended in mid air.

Jasper just laughed.

"Bella, sweetheart, calm down. I love you. We have already determined that we love each other. My question is what are you going to do when Edward does get to you and tells you about how Alice was a mistake, you two are truly soul mates, he can't live without you, and all of the other things that we both know he is going to try. I want you to be happy, so whatever you decide will be your choice alone. I just want to know what is going to happen."

I looked at him as though he had a single digit i.q. score.

"Nothing is going to happen. Edward has over thought everything and has turned himself into a self righteous, pompous ass. I **loved **the old Edward, but he destroyed all we had by himself when he got with Alice. I love you, Jasper. That is the focus of my world, my life. Nobody could shake that, not Edward, not anybody. Now that you mention it though, what are you going to do when Alice comes to her senses? You two share decades of history, and very important history at that. What will happen to me when she wants you back?"

I could say no more. The thought of losing Jasper caused me more pain than actually losing Edward. I was trying to hold back my dry sobs thinking of life without Jasper when I just found him as my love.

He picked me up and placed me in his lap. I lay against him as he ran his long fingers through my hair and kept kissing the top of my head.

I turned my face upwards toward him and he kissed my temple, my ear, my jaw, and my neck. Then he licked the trail all the way back to the beginning. I grabbed him and pulled him closer for a proper kiss. I licked his sweet lips and they opened for me, as our tongues began to battle for dominance.

I turned further, so that I was straddling Jasper, kissing and nipping up and down both sides of his neck. He was groaning my name as I kept up the assault on his neck.

His hands traveled under my shirt, running his hands up and down my back. It actually gave me chills. I'm not sure how normal that is for a vampire. I would have to ask later...much later.

Jasper laid back on the bed, pulling me with him, so that I was on top of him.

"Bella, I love you, I adore you, I worship you. Please let me make love to you tonight, right here, right now. Let me show you how much you and you alone, mean to me."

There was no way that I could refuse him. My heart and body both wanted that, badly. Again, thankful for the lack of blushing on my part, I had to declare something.

"Jasper, I haven't done this before. This is my first time."

He stopped kissing me and looked me directly into my eyes.

"I will make your first time as gentle and loving as possible. You tell me the second it is uncomfortable and I will stop. If you want to wait, we can. I will wait forever for you, Bella."

I smiled at his concern. It was nice, but I was a horny vampire in front of a picture of perfection. This was going to happen if I had to be the one to hold him down.

I pulled him back to me. He removed my shirt and bra so fast, that I didn't even notice it. He kissed my lips as his hands fondled my breast and teased my nipples. I was moaning his name already. I pulled his shirt off and kissed everyone of his scars that was within reach. I suddenly felt bold, probably thanks to Jasper, and pulled the belt and jeans off of his muscular legs. I got a glimpse of his cock and almost died again. Good Lord, how do I get myself into these messes?

I grabbed it tentatively and began to stroke it. He growled and purred my name. I figured this was a good thing.

"Jasper, this is nice, but I need you in me-now.", I whispered, hoping to sound seductive.

Apparently I did, because we were totally naked and I was on the bottom in one second. He inserted a finger and then another into me and began to pump to get me ready for him. I almost lost it with his fingers. I figured I was really going to like this sex thing..allot.

Then he stopped and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"I love you Bella. Are you sure? I love you, just not sex."

"Jasper, I love you too. But, really, please just do me."

He put himself at my entrance and slowly pushed in. He stopped when he got to my hymen. Vampires can be virgins too apparently. I gritted my teeth and nodded for him to proceed. He thrust once and then the pain was gone. We quickly found a rhythm and it didn't take long for us to reach out peaks. We both came together with a shudder as we called out each other's names.

I turned to Jasper and smiled, " I love you Jasper. That was amazing. We are going to have to do this more often. Thank you."

"Bella, I will be happy to screw you silly anytime you ask, my love. I love you too."

We basked in the afterglow of our love making, giggling and laughing and just enjoying being in love. A love that was effortless, at least so far.

We heard the someone coming home, and we were so happy and relaxed that we though it was Esme or Rose, or even Carlisle. We knew we were wrong when my bedroom door flew off of the hinges and a somewhat deranged and angry looking Edward was seething at the doorway.

Aw shit. Everything in my room flew into the air, almost as if waiting for a direction to fly to.


	16. Nobody's Property

**A/N: This is not the last chapter. I have a few more left in this story, so don't think it's over just yet. Thank you all for reading and reviewing!**

Jasper and I quickly dressed while under the intense angry glare of Edward. I waited until I was decent, then I turned around to meet his glare.

"Is there something that you need, or did you just want to stick around for round two?", I asked with venom dripping from my voice.

His eyes darkened totally and he shoved me against the wall. I motioned for Jasper to be still.

"So, are you just bouncing from Cullen to Cullen? I was distracted by Alice for a bit and you go and _**fuck**_ Jasper? Your first time was with the person who actually killed you. Interesting."

I only growled in response. I would not dignify this bullshit with words. Jasper, would however.

"Edward, I happen to love Bella. I've loved her since we took her to Phoenix. I never made a move because she loved you and I had a wife. Once you left her **for my wife**, I decided to try and help her cope. Somehow, by the grace of God, this perfect angel wants to be with me regardless of who changed her or why. She isn't your concern any longer. She will be loved and taken care of. Now, maybe you and your wife can leave us alone...how about forever?"

Jasper was crouched, as I was, awaiting an attack, but none came. Edward turned around and began to walk away. He took a few steps and turned back towards us.

"Soon, my Bella, you will be mine again."

As he left he began humming my lullaby. When he was out of my sight, every window and piece of glass in my room exploded. Between my rage and Jasper's bouncing between us and growing, it touched off the telekinetic curse and destroyed the glass.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

After cleaning up the colossal mess, I decided to hunt. I wanted a little alone time to decompress. Edward and Alice were arguing in their room, so I thought this would be the safest time to go alone.

I flew through the woods letting my primal urges take over to find my prey. I sensed a heard of deer off to the right. I ran towards the first large buck that I saw. I leapt gracefully through the air and was hit from the side. I landed hard and rolled into standing, snarling and snapping the whole time. Someone was trying to take my meal from me! All of the damned deer ran away at the sound of the collision.

I turned around and not twenty feet from me stood none other than Edward Freaking Cullen.

"Edward, you could have hunted elsewhere. What the fuck is your problem?"

He chuckled darkly," Bella, love, I am here for you. Not to feed. You were mine from that first day in Biology in high school and you know it. You don't belong to Jasper, you belong to me."

"I do not belong to anyone, Edward. Not you, not Jasper. I am nobody's property. I am my own being. I do not want to be with you, Edward. You left me for Alice. Go be happy with her. Leave me to live the life I was destined to live. The one with Jasper. Just let me be. I will either stay here or leave. Whatever you want. I just want to be happy and free. I will do it wherever it is easier for you, not that you deserve it."

"I'm sorry Bella, I know this sounds cliche, but if I can't have you then nobody can. I don't want to hurt my brother further, and I regret that Alice thinks we are more than we are. But I will not be without you."

"Fuck, Edward, why can't we just be friends? Or brother and sister? I don't want to be your mate and I am sorry, but you can't force me to be it."

"I know Bella, I just guess I will have to kill you and then myself. _We will be together, Bella. One way or another, you will be mine._"

I don't think that I have ever been so frightened in my life. He was just crazy enough to kill the both of us. A few weeks ago, I would have welcomed him and his insane idea of this murder/suicide. But, now I had Jasper. I needed to live for him. I wanted to be with him. I began to get more and more angry and a little less afraid.

"Edward, leave and I won't say anything. What will Carlisle think? And Esme? You know that Rose and Emmett will attempt to end you, and they very well might be successful. Don't you think that you have put the family through enough? Especially Jasper and Alice? Just leave us be, I am begging you."

"I love that you will beg me for anything Bella. But it won't work. Either you are with me for eternity or we die. Your choice, my darling."

I focused all of my energy on Edward. I was able to hold him in the air, immobilized. I could feel my powers draining. I was running every scenario through my mind, trying to find a way out of this. I couldn't outrun him, we were too far from the house to yell for help, and I wasn't stronger than he was. I decided that I would just make peace with dying. I wouldn't betray Jasper by being with Edward even if it was just to keep my existence.

I started to feel weak and I sat down. I was still holding Edward with my mind, but I could feel my control lessening quickly. I figured that I would hold him off as long as I could and think about Jasper the entire time. As Edward killed me, I would just think about the love that I had found with Jasper. I was at peace. If I died and Edward killed himself, then there would be no more drama for my family that I obviously loved more than my existence.

I lay on the forest floor and faded away for, hopefully, the last time. I didn't want to go through the pain of Edward destroying me, especially after the good memories we had in the past. Before I was out totally, I whispered to Edward," I loved the old Edward. I missed him. You are so different. I wish I could say I love you, but I don't. I love Jasper, so do your worst Edward you fucking punk."


	17. One or the Other

**A/N: Just a warning; some of you are going to be pissed after this chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Maybe two or three chapters left in this story to wrap things up. **

I started to awaken, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings, in a very slow and cautious manner. Playing possum, they might say.

I smelled smoke and heard commotion all around me. I wanted to slip back into the comfort of unconsciousness. I heard sobbing, yelling, and smelled fire. Briefly, I wondered if I was actually dead after so many false alarms.

I opened my eyes and took in the horror before me. The fire was burning stronger than ever. Edward and Jasper, my Jasper, were fighting each other and were dangerously close to the inferno. Emmett was trying to break them up without getting killed in the process. Rose had Emmett's back, looking deadly as she was waiting to kill anyone who tried to harm him, even by accident. Esme and Alice were standing next to each other, wide eyed and frightened. Carlisle's pleas to stop this nonsense were going unheard.

My mind was spinning a million miles a minute. I had to stop this, but how? Edward would kill Jasper and then come after me. Even if the family stopped him from killing me, I couldn't live without Jasper.

I stop up and made my towards them.

"Edward, stop this. You don't need to do this. You are destroying our family. Please just let this go. This isn't worth it, I'm not worth it."

I started to walk closer, but Emmett wrapped his arms around me from behind. I struggled for a moment, but realized that I couldn't break the hold no matter what. It was futile to even try.

"Edward, if you kill Jasper, I still won't love you. Nothing you can do will make me love you again. Why can't you fucking deal with it and get on with your life?!"

The fight stopped as Edward turned towards me.

"Bella, dear, I thought we discussed this. If you won't be with me, then you are going into the fire next, love."

Jasper rushed Edward and almost caught him off guard. He would have if Edward couldn't read minds. I was screaming for them to stop. I screamed until I was hoarse. Then I cussed Emmett up one side and down the other trying to get free.

The next few minutes moved in slow motion and will be forever etched into my mind, no matter how hard I try to forget it.

Jasper grabbed Edward's arm and tried to throw Edward over his shoulder into the fire. I screamed and focused all of my energy on holding Edward still. He dropped Jasper when he froze. Jasper fell to the ground, lightly burning his arm in the fire. When I heard Jasper yell out in pain, every molecule in my being shoved forward and threw Edward into the fire.

He made no sound as he was incinerated. Everyone was in shock. I collapsed through Emmett's arms and fell to the ground. Jasper rushed to my side, wrapping his arms around me. I was shaking, although I felt no chill or heat. The shaking grew worse, almost like a seizure. Carlisle was looking at my eyes and face. He looked absolutely frightened beyond reason. I felt something dripping from my nose and mouth. I wiped my hand across my face to dry it and noticed that it was blood.

I was seizing and hemorrhaging. No wonder Carlisle looked like he was going to shit himself. I closed my eyes and Jasper shouted at me to keep my eyes open. I didn't listen too much.

The next thing I remember was Jasper calling my name quietly, begging me to wake up. Pleading with me not to leave him. I opened my eyes and almost jumped back. He was all in my face. Then he pulled me off of the bed and began kissing me and hugging me.

"Bella, I thought we lost you. Carlisle thought you would be alright, but we can't check your vitals, since we lack them. You do know that you saved my life, right? I couldn't have survived if you didn't wake up, especially if it was due to you saving me."

The others must have heard Jasper talking and they all flew into the room. Well, all but Alice. I looked to Carlisle for yet another explanation.

"Bella, when you were a little girl, did you ever have a temper tantrum so intense that you caused yourself a nosebleed?"

"Actually, I did. It was one of Renee's favorite stories to tell."

"The only way I can explain it is that you had the mother of all tantrums. All of the pressure caused the bleeding. The seizing, I believe, was due to your sudden and total depletion of your energy. You have been unconscious for almost four days now."

"Where is Alice?", I killed her husband and was with her ex. There was no doubt that I wasn't her favorite vampire at the moment.

Esme spoke up.

"She's, well, resting. You can imagine how traumatized she is right now. She hasn't spoken a word yet. But we are taking turns sitting with her and consoling her."

"Are you consoling her, or watching to make sure that she doesn't try to kill me?"

If I were in her shoes, I would take me out in a heartbeat.

Rosalie hissed," She won't get a chance to touch you Bella. I promise you that."

Her voice gave me chills. I had no doubt that my family would protect me. I just hated that they were yet again in the middle of drama somehow caused by me.

Each of my family members gave me a hug as they left. Each murmured that I did the right thing, as painful as it was to do.

After they all left, I curled up in Jasper's embrace and let him whisper loving words to me, all the while wishing I could have gone into the fire instead of murdering my first love. He wasn't the same Edward, but he was still Edward Cullen. I didn't realize I was sobbing until Jasper pulled me closer still.

What in the world had I done?


	18. The Final Breakdown

How could I have done this? I know Edward was pushed over the edge of sanity and it was either him or us, but now that he was gone, it seemed as if my mind could only conjure up memories of the old Edward. Forget that it was Edward, I just murdered someone.

Jasper stopped kissing my head.

"Bella, please stop feeling so guilty. He was going to kill me, then you, and what if he were to hurt or kill one of the others?

"I know. My rational side knows that it was the right thing to do, but my emotional side can't believe that Edward is dead, because of me. I'm grieving for the old Edward and for Alice. It is just incomprehensible right now."

Jasper was silent, knowing that there were no words that could bring me comfort. I settled back into his embrace and sighed deeply. God, how I wished that I could sleep.

I looked out the window into the dark night. There were no stars out and even the moon seemed to be hiding. I wondered if it could be because someone who was once so wonderful was gone and the light that they carried with them was extinguished forever.

The door to the bedroom opened. I was too deep into my thoughts to even turn to see who it was until Jasper stiffened and tightened his grip on me. I looked over to the door and there stood Alice.

She had a deranged, disconnected, and sort of dazed look about her. I was wary immediately.

"Hey Bells, guess what. I'm a widow now. Pretty fucked up to be a vampire widow, huh? Did you know that Edward and I had that quickie Vegas wedding that you wanted? I thought that it was tacky, but Edward was so happy. For two years we were so fucking happy."

She was dry sobbing as she spoke. She looked as if she were coming more and more unhinged with each passing second.

"You know something? I know that we were best buddies and all when you were a human, but I never really knew what Edward saw in you. Plain old klutzy Bella. I loved you as a friend, but never understood how you could have held an ounce of attraction for Edward in _that_ way. And now here we are you have Jasper."

She walked slowly towards me, her hands up, as if she meant no harm to me.

"What is so special about you Bella? What is it about you that held Edward and now Jasper? Both of the men in my life and I lost them to _you_. What is it that made either of them willing to die for you? Tell me, because I really want to know. I myself, have no clue.", she spat.

"You do know that you took away Carlisle's first companion? Esme's first son is gone. Rosie and Emmett lost their brother. I lost my first husband and now my second one too. Tell me, Bella, how will you live with this? We both know that you are too weak to survive this. I think you should repent and atone for your sins against the Cullens. An eye for an eye, perhaps?"

Then she had me by the throat.

"You wanted to die so badly for so long, right? Well let me help you with that little job that you never got around to finishing."

She squeezed even harder. I didn't need to breath, but the pain was horrible. She sank her nails into my granite skin, as Jasper tried pulling her off of me. The rest of the family came running in after hearing Jasper's yell.

Emmett tackled little Alice, sending her flying across the room. Unfortunately, her fingers were so deeply embedded into my throat that I went with her. As strong as Emmett was, he was no match for Alice's insanity.

I tried to move something or hold Alice with my mind, but I was still drained of the energy to use my gift. I started to fight back. I wanted to live. I wanted to be with Jasper and the rest of the family. I knew deep down that Edward would not want to live as he had been and causing so much pain.

I turned my head and bit down on Alice as hard as I could. It shocked her, but she didn't loosen her grip on me.

"Hey Bella, let's go see Edward together, huh?"

Then she pulled out a lighter and I heard everyone yell. This was it, I was going to die. I looked towards Jasper.

"I love you Jasper.", I whispered.

Suddenly, there was a blur of movement and color move past me. A horrible, loud screeching sound screamed through the house. Then there was silence. The pressure on my neck was gone. I blinked and next to me was Alice's head. I screamed as Jasper grabbed me and shielded my eyes from the grisly sight before us.

Rosalie was crying next to the broken pieces of Alice.

"I couldn't let her kill Bella. She wasn't in her right mind. She's with Edward now. Oh God."

My jaw dropped open. Rosie killed Alice to save my life. I shook myself out of Jasper's grasp and walked out of the house. I sat down on the front porch in total shock.

I could smell smoke and knew that the family had taken Alice's remains to be burned. How on earth did things get to this point? Alice and Edward were both gone and by the hands of their own family. I wondered how I was going to survive this. But I knew that I would. We all would. They were in the grips of insanity and would never have wanted us to be afraid of them or to hate them. It would take time, but we would all be there to support each other.

Maybe we could all be happy once again...some day.

**A/N: One more chapter. **


	19. Epilogue

Five Years Later

It was so wonderful to be with the whole family again. After the tragedies with Alice and Edward, everyone coupled off and moved away. The loss of Edward and Alice was overwhelming and everyone lost something different relationship wise. We all kept in touch, but everyone needed their space to heal.

Carlisle and Esme did charity work and kept very busy. Rose and Emmett headed to Africa. Rose had a hard time coming to grips with what she had done and wanted to just hunt, be with Emmett, and avoid everything else for a bit. Jasper and I got married. We went to city hall and did it. It didn't feel right to have a lavish affair at the time and truthfully, it wasn't our style.

About four years ago, everyone got homesick and wanted to live together again. Esme threw herself into finding the perfect house. Once that was done Carlisle found a job at a nearby medical center. After much deliberation and arguing, we for "kids" decided that we would go back to high school. It took a year to get everything just right for us. Now here we were.

Jasper and I pulled up to the beautiful Victorian house that Esme had practically gutted and rebuilt almost by herself. Judging by the cars in the garage, we were the last ones to arrive. The movers were bringing our belongings tomorrow.

We were greeted with hugs and kisses all around. We got comfortable in the living room and easy conversation drifted from topic to topic. Emmett and Jasper were fighting over video games, Carlisle was leafing through a medical journal, Esme and Rose were talking to me about decorating our bedrooms and about starting school in the next few weeks. It was almost like normal. It was nice to be back as a family unit. It was comforting to be among our loved ones again.

I sat down on the floor next to Jasper and kissed his cheek. He looked at me and smiled lovingly. I knew that moving back with the others was the right choice. We were all one family together again..for the most part. We were in a new house that did not carry any painful memories. After Alice attacked me, we decided to burn the old house down. We could never go back there again. It was just too painful.

I looked at my husband and family. For the most part they had recovered from the tragedies that they had faced. There would always be scars, and they ran deep, but we have learned to move forward.

Although I'm not so sure about myself. There are physical scars left all over my neck from Alice's attack. They tingle from time to time, especially when Jasper and I make love. Every time they tingle, I turn and see Alice and Edward in the room with me. I have never told anyone about this, even Jasper. Nobody has ever seen them or mentioned ever seeing these specters. They don't speak or do anything but stare at me with a smirk. I think that this is my burden to bear for causing so much strife in the Cullen family. I was the catalyst to drive Edward and Alice into their madness. I wonder if they are slowly trying to drive me mad as well.

The End


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